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27 October 2008 @ 01:50 am
J2 Fic: IDK, my BFF Jensen  
Title: IDK, my BFF Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Warnings: I’m still kind of new at this. No beta.
Word Count: 2,700ish
Summary: We know the boys like to text and call each other. What we don’t know is what they say to each other. Here’s one theory.
Disclaimer: This definitely did not happen.

IDK, my BFF Jensen

It’s late on a Wednesday night, or maybe it’s Thursday morning, when Jared texts Jensen from a bar in Austin. He’s giggling and mostly drunk, stumbling past his cast mates and a few guys from the crew as he makes his way outside to hail a cab.

u awake?

A few moments later Jensen texts back: no. Jared grins and calls him.

“Sleeping,” Jensen growls into the phone, voice all deep and rough.

“Sorry Jensen,” Jared lies. “I wouldna called you ‘cept in case of a ‘mergency.”

“What’s the emergency?”

“’M havin’ a ‘dentity crisis,” Jared slurs.

“A dental crisis?” He can hear Jensen shifting around in bed, and pictures him sitting up and putting on his glasses, sighing at Jared for bothering him. The whole idea of it makes Jared smile. “Someone finally knock your teeth out?”

“Fucker,” Jared laughs.

“Fuck her? I don’t even know her,” Jensen drawls.

It’s an old joke, never really was funny until Jared met Jensen. But somehow it’s funny when Jensen says it, because Jensen is the pickiest bastard ever. He like never gets laid, and it’s all his own doing, ‘cause seriously hot girls throw themselves at Jensen all the motherfucking time, and he just won’t close the deal.

“So lissen. S’mone bought me a shot tonight, and the shot s’called a blow job. Izzit gay if I-”

Jensen cuts him off before he can get any further. “Jared! Enough with this shit! Why the fuck am I your gay encyclopedia?” Jensen sounds awake now.

Jared falls silent for a moment, thinking it over. “Well,” he says slowly. “You’re gay, so-”

Jensen hangs up. Jared snickers to himself and trips as he gets into the waiting taxi.

* * *

The next morning at 5:17am Jared’s phone chirps on his bedside table. He flails around, tangled in the sheets, and whacks at it until it falls silent. Heart pounding with the sudden exertion and head pounding with the first stages of a monster hangover, Jared breathes deep and tries to slide back into sleep. Of course his phone will continue to chirp every three or four minutes or so until he checks the message, so he does.

It’s a text from Jensen that says: is there a cock anywhere inside u right now.

Jared wants to go back to sleep, he really does. But he can’t not reply to Jensen, so he types: no but my mouth tastes like balls. is that gay?.

Jared’s stomach is churning, and he feels himself break out into a cold sweat. He clutches his phone and makes a break for the bathroom, dry-heaving into the toilet. Fucking girly shots.

Poetically, his phone chirps again right as Jared stops making wounded-walrus noises into the bowl.

u r not gay. u always have testicle-breath. try tic tacs.

* * *

Two days later, at around eleven at night, Jensen texts him: swordfish on hbo now. topless halle berry in 10 mins.

Jared doesn’t even hesitate before flipping on the tv and pressing send on his phone. When Jensen answers, he groans, “Seriously, how can those be real?” A hearty discussion ensues about the wonder of the world that are Halle Berry’s tits, which starts out fast and furious but ends up gradually slowing down before grinding to a halt when she actually takes ‘em out.

By then both boys are just sighing and mmming into the phone.

Jared wonders what Jensen is doing, aside from ogling Halle Berry’s boobs, right this moment. Like, is he in bed, or on the couch? Wearing socks or barefoot? Still wearing his clothes from the day or ready for bed? Glasses or-


Jensen looks fucking adorable in his glasses. Or maybe it’s just that Jensen looks fucking adorable when he’s half asleep and groggy in the morning, and that’s the only time Jared ever sees him in his glasses.

There’s something bizarre about mentally picturing sleepy-cute Jensen while literally looking at naked-sexy Halle Berry. Whatever it is, it’s kinda turning Jared on, and he absently presses his hand against his half-hard cock.

He yanks it away guiltily when Jensen says, “So not gay then?”

“Bzuh?” Jared stutters, blushing into the phone.

“Not gay if Halle’s ta-tas got you all worked up.” Jensen breathes loudly into the phone, and Jared can’t tell if he’s laughing or just breathing loudly for some other reason. “Or was it Hugh Jackman that got you all horny?”

Jared’s dumbstruck for about ten seconds before he says, “How can you-”

“Dude, I know you.”

Jared’s shocked by how much of a punch that one sentence packs.

* * *

The next night, Jared calls Jensen and catches him just as Jensen’s heading out for dinner.

Jensen answers the phone with a “yo,” and Jared has to smile.

“S’up homeboy?”

“Headin’ out with Doug for a bite to eat.” Jared can hear the radio in the background. Sounds like they are in a car.

“Put me on hands free,” Jared cajoles. “Lemme say hello to Douglas.”

There’s some banging and shuffling and then the background noise gets kicked up a few notches.

“JA-REDDDD!” That’s Doug. Friend of Jensen’s since Texas, and an all-around good dude. Jared’s never been more high than he was last time Doug came to visit them in Vancouver. He’s also never eaten so many Peeps. Not a great combination, but whatever. He likes Doug.

“What up, Doug?”

There’s a general commotion in the car and Jared feels a tiny ping of something. Something like. He misses those guys. He misses Jensen and hanging out and being idiots.

“Jared, how’s it goin’ in Austin? I heard they had to lock up all the sheep? You behavin’?”

Jared snorts. “Hey - you can derelict my balls, Capitan.”

He listens to Doug and Jensen laugh and bicker and yeah, he really misses them. He clears his throat to break back in to the conversation.

“Listen, I gotta question for you guys. Today, one of the guys I work with, Vince, he’s real pretty, y’know? Not a shimmery princess like Jensen, but close.”

Jared’s interrupted by Jensen groaning “shut the fuck up” in the background but he doesn’t let it break his stride.

“And we were joshin’ around, and I was beatin’ on him a little, and so Vince says ‘blow me,’ to me. And I gotta tell you guys. I thought about it.” He hears Doug laughing. “Does that make me gay?”

Jensen’s bitching to Doug, saying something about how Jared’s got some sort of problem with his brain or something. Doug says, “That sounds at least bi-curious to me, man.”

Jared chuckles. “I thought so. So glad I could talk to you ‘bout it, Doug. Jensen never gives me a straight answer.”

He’s setting Doug up for the money shot. He just hopes Doug takes it.

“Jensen’s not gonna give you a straight anything, man. Jensen’s so gay he can’t even walk straight.”

Jared fist pumps in the air, alone in his hotel room. He loves Doug.

There’s a fair bit of swearing and banging around and then Jensen very clearly and loudly says, “Thank you Jared. You can fuck off now.” The call drops and Jared sits back on his couch and flips on the tv. Jensen is just too easy, he thinks.

* * *

As good as Jared is at sending Jensen obscenely suggestive text messages, Jensen’s pretty much exactly that good at deflecting them in a hilarious way. For example, yesterday when Jared texted him: i want ur cock, Jensen had replied: mom?!, and Jared had spent the next ten minutes cracking up to the point that the makeup girls had to just sit there and wait for him to pull it together.

But Jared’s better. He sneak-attacks Jensen at the most random moments. Like last night, when he was on the phone with Jensen and was half-asleep, so barely responding, and Jensen says, “Jared? Can you hear me now?”

And Jared responds by saying, “You know when a dude is sucking your cock, and he says he won’t swallow? If you spooge in his ear and then ask him if he can hear you now, it’s called a Verizon.”

Jensen sputters for a moment, and then says, “How many dudes have sucked your cock since I last saw you, you slut?”

Jared sighs. “None,” he says wistfully. “But I’ll be home soon, baby. You can make up for lost time.”

“Um,” Jensen says. “I’mna let you go now, buddy.”

“Was that gay?” Jared asks innocently.

“Good night, Jared.”

* * *

On Friday night, Jared’s at a sports bar watching the baseball game with some of his buddies from high school when he gets a text from Jensen.

u watching this crap?

The Rangers are tanking, but seriously, only Jensen would expect them to win. Jensen’s so serious about sports, it’s kind of nuts. He’s so serious about everything.

Jared texts him back with no I was jerking off and hits send. Thinks it over, takes a big gulp of his beer and types thinking of u. is that gay? and presses send again.

He smiles real wide, imagining Jensen’s face when he gets the text. There’s honestly nothing better in the whole wide world than cranking Jensen up. It’s so much fun. Jared tries explaining this to his friends but they just nod and smile at each other and he thinks they don’t get it.

His phone buzzes in his hand. He flips it open, not allowing himself to feel guilty that he’s having more fun texting with Jensen than he is with the people sitting in the booth with him.

do u finger ur asshole when u do it

Um. Wow. For some reason that just makes Jared pause while his gut lurches and flips over a couple of times. And, oh yeah. Touché, Jensen. Good one.

Jared takes a deep breath, holds it for a moment, then types sometimes and hits send.

His friends are doing shots and getting increasingly rowdy, but Jared sticks with beer and settles down. He doesn’t want to be drunk when Jensen texts him back. He waits for Jensen’s reply, but it doesn’t come.

* * *

It’s past two in the morning, and Jared’s not drunk, but he is queasy. He’s lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about not thinking about Jensen.

It’s not like it’s a big deal, he reasons. He’s been playing this game with Jensen for months, at least since the whole thing with Sandy happened and people started seriously thinking they were fucking. Jared thinks it riles Jensen up when people assume they’re gay, although Jensen’s never really said anything about it. He just… says nothing. For some reason, that makes Jared think it bothers him.

And that’s why he picks at it, like a scab.

He’s not really surprised when his phone vibrates on the pillow next to his head, and he sees Jensen’s name on the caller ID. Of course it’s Jensen.

Jared answers the call but says nothing. Just listens. Hears Jensen breathing into the mouthpiece.


Jensen’s drunk. He only ever calls Jared Jay when he’s drunk.


“Man, Jay. You gotta. Dude. Seriously. You gotta stop this.”

Yep, definitely drunk.

“Stop what, assmunch? You just called me. Are you high?”

Jensen huffs into the phone. “A little. Maybe. But still. You gotta stop it, Jay. Okay? Promise me? Promise you’ll stop fucking with me?”

Jared holds his breath. It’s. They’re so close, too close. Too close to just spelling it out, and that’s. Can’t happen.

“Who’d you smoke with, you stoner?”

Jared plays it off. He can distract Jensen. He can distract a drunk, possibly high Jensen before. Before they break this thin skin between them.

“Jay. Don’t do that, man. Just listen. For serious. You gotta stop, okay?” Jensen’s voice sounds a little hoarse. Sounds like it hurts to talk.

“Lemme understand this. You call me up, middle of the night, and you’re on drugs, and you tell me I gotta stop something?”

“You gotta stop fucking with me, man. It’s. I can’t.”

Jared can feel waves of frustration coming through the phone. He wonders if maybe Jensen could feel waves of his horniness the other day. If this is what it feels like to just be blasted with someone else’s emotions over a goddamned cell phone.

“M’not,” Jared says, softly, and his heart is in his teeth. “M’not fucking with you, Jensen.”

“You are,” Jensen all but growls. “It’s all a fucking big joke to you, Jay. Ha ha, let’s make gay jokes. Ha ha, I’m a fucking cocktease. Well it’s not fucking funny, Jay. It’s not fucking funny to me.”

“Jensen,” Jared starts, but Jensen’s on a tear, and he’s starting to yell.

“Because you’re my friend, Jared. And you shouldn’t want to do this to me. Because, because friends don’t do this to each other.”

Jared’s heart is thundering in his chest. He almost doesn’t ask but he has to know. “What am I doing to you, Jensen?” It barely comes out a whisper.

Jensen makes a choked noise that sounds sorta like a laugh and sorta like a sob. “You’re getting me all fucked up over you, Jay. Makin’ me wanna. Just. Getting me all fucked up.”

Jared swallows and hears his own throat click, mouth dry. “You wanna, um. Jensen? You wanna fuck me? That what you’re saying, dude?”

The silence on the line stretches for a long moment. Jared strains to hear anything, but all he can pick up is Jensen’s ragged breathing every now and then.

“’Cause I. I mean. I’ve never, but. I think about-”

Jensen cuts him off and says, “Just stop, okay?” and hangs up.

Jared doesn’t sleep all night.

* * *

It’s almost dawn when Jared calls Jensen back. Sunlight is just starting to lighten the sky, and Jared hopes Jensen’s got his hotel blackout curtains shut, because he’s gonna have a hell of a hangover.

The phone rings twice, and then Jensen answers, with a barely coherent “Mwhuh?”

“Don’t hang up,” Jared rushes to say. “I gotta tell you something.”

“Fuck, Jared. Can we just-”

“Jensen – listen to me. I. Shit. I wanna fuck you.”

Jensen’s quiet, but Jared can feel him listening. There’s no going back. But fuck it, if their friendship is on the line here, Jared wants it to be for the right reasons.

“God, I wanna fuck you something awful. Spread you out under me, taste you all over. Open you up so I can crawl up inside you and just. God. I just wanna touch you. Feel you. Fuck you ‘til you can’t walk. Sometimes. Sometimes it’s all I can think about. And maybe I joke, and maybe the jokes are dumb or whatever, but it’s the only way I know how to let off some of this tension.”

Jared can hear Jensen suck in a surprised breath, and he just shoulders on.

“Maybe, I dunno. Maybe you make me dumb. I can barely stand to be around you sometimes, you’re so god damned gorgeous I can’t even. I can’t even think, Jensen. And then when I’m not around you, like now, I just. It’s even worse. And here you are, thinking I’ve been fucking with you, and I could not be fucking with you less.”

“And if I’ve done something wrong here, if I’ve pissed you off, or, or fuck. If I’ve hurt you, Jensen, then I am so sorry. Because you are so fucking important to me, man. You’re, you’re everything. You gotta know that.”

Jared bites his own lip to keep himself from saying any more. He can’t have read Jensen wrong. He can’t have. And yet, Jensen’s not talking. Jared’s practically about to cry, either from humiliation or just the whole epic emo-ness of his outburst, when Jensen finally says something.

“Okay,” Jensen says, voice rough and scratchy. “That was gay.”

Jared barks out a surprised laugh, and actually does shed a few tears when he hears Jensen giggling over the phone.

“You sir,” Jared chokes out, “are a douchebag.”

“Mm,” Jensen agrees gracefully. “I gotta get up. Car’ll be here in twenty and I need a shower like nobody’s business.”

* * *

Later in the day, Jensen texts him saying: we should fuck. get ur gay ass on a plane.

Jared responds right away: i ain’t that kind of girl, mister, but his grin is a mile wide, and his heart is doing cartwheels in his chest. His dick is also fully on board with Jensen’s plan.

When he gets the reply, a simple i am, Jared books the first flight out.


Current Mood: awakeawake
ymmy12ymmy12 on October 27th, 2008 06:17 am (UTC)
this was great!!!!

mediaville: bashful jaredmediaville on October 27th, 2008 11:27 am (UTC)
Glad you liked it!
slash_freak_oz: comingjaredslash_freak_oz on October 27th, 2008 06:21 am (UTC)
For example, yesterday when Jared texted him: i want ur cock, Jensen had replied: mom?!, and Jared had spent the next ten minutes cracking up to the point that the makeup girls had to just sit there and wait for him to pull it together.

OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! *falls off chair backwards, giggling like a crazy person*

This story is so god damn awesome, I can't even put it into proper words!!!! It totally rocks my socks!!!
mediaville: heartmediaville on October 27th, 2008 11:30 am (UTC)
YAY! So happy you liked it! Thanks so much for leaving a comment. I dig it. :-)
(no subject) - berrylicious877 on October 27th, 2008 03:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
lost in translationenglishblue on October 27th, 2008 06:27 am (UTC)
Holy cow! I'm crazy over this. It's them, and if it isn't, it should be.

I kept reading slower and slower so I could make it last longer. I hope you don't mind, but I think I have to friend u. Is that gay? :D
mediaville: now i'm turning gaymediaville on October 27th, 2008 11:30 am (UTC)

Stef: SPN - Jensen/ DAchaotic4life on October 27th, 2008 06:32 am (UTC)
Hilarious and cute at the same time! ♥
mediaville: how i rollmediaville on October 27th, 2008 11:31 am (UTC)
Aw thanks!
strgazr04strgazr04 on October 27th, 2008 06:33 am (UTC)
The title alone made me lol. Nice work :D
mediaville: jared dreams of jensenmediaville on October 27th, 2008 11:32 am (UTC)

Glad you liked it, and thanks for leaving a comment. :D
 Nayeli Honizre: Shameless Fandomwillow_fae_20 on October 27th, 2008 06:44 am (UTC)
LOVE!!!!!!!!!!! I just... Love... That's all. ♥
mediaville: jensen laughingmediaville on October 27th, 2008 11:33 am (UTC)

Glad you liked it. :D
gorgeous and affectingjoans23 on October 27th, 2008 06:55 am (UTC)
OMG, that was glorious! I love it something fierce <3
mediaville: jensen loves jaredmediaville on October 27th, 2008 11:33 am (UTC)
Thank you for your fierce love. :D
eruminator: Jared hand porneruminator on October 27th, 2008 06:56 am (UTC)
You, madame, quite possibly, WIN. AT. LIFE.

mediaville: eek!mediaville on October 27th, 2008 11:34 am (UTC)
I WIN????


Thanks, bb. :D
(Deleted comment)
mediaville: that's gaymediaville on October 27th, 2008 11:35 am (UTC)
It's totally gay and I am totally on board with that. <3
Lacylacylaces on October 27th, 2008 06:59 am (UTC)
This was funny and sweet!
mediavillemediaville on October 27th, 2008 11:35 am (UTC)
banana hammocktwofourteen on October 27th, 2008 07:00 am (UTC)
Heee. BOYS. :D
mediaville: that's gaymediaville on October 27th, 2008 11:36 am (UTC)
They can not NOT talk on the phone and text all day long. It is canon. And it's gay.
(no subject) - twofourteen on October 27th, 2008 07:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
softbluebuddy: Jensen Rockssoftbluebuddy on October 27th, 2008 07:03 am (UTC)
That was completely and totally awesome.
I loved it.
Very nicely done.
mediaville: green eggs and sammediaville on October 27th, 2008 11:36 am (UTC)
Thank you! Glad you liked it!
Mouse: J² Love / supermanactioncastalie on October 27th, 2008 07:04 am (UTC)
Ohhhh that story is fantastic! I loved it! The banter, the friendship, then the lil angst and the resolution... just perfect!
mediaville: J2mediaville on October 27th, 2008 11:37 am (UTC)

Thank you! So glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for leaving a comment.
gone yesterdayfinn21 on October 27th, 2008 07:20 am (UTC)
This is pretty fucking awesome. I loved it all.
mediaville: jensen laughingmediaville on October 27th, 2008 11:38 am (UTC)
I'll take pretty fucking awesome. Thank you!
ms_soma on October 27th, 2008 07:23 am (UTC)
OMFG, that was awesome!!!! Loved it! The playfulness, the way they had great comebacks to each other- then spilling their hearts at the end... awwww... and I loved the ending!!
mediaville: jensenmediaville on October 27th, 2008 11:39 am (UTC)
Glad you liked it! I wasn't sure if I made Jared have too much verbal diarrhea, but then I figured, he probably does, on occasion. :D