Here are the things that are overwhelming me at the moment:

1. Big Bang. Mine. Holy shit you guys, I can't believe the reception it's gotten! I mean, writing this fic was literally like giving birth (although not for me, because for me, giving birth was like this: DRUGS! BLACKBERRY! SUDOKU! BABY! so writing this fic was actually HARDER than giving actual birth.) But I, I mean, I don't know, I know people always act kind of humble or whatever, but I actually did not think this fic was any good, and so many of you do! I kind of can't reconcile this, so I'm choosing to believe you're all crazy. Which, let's face it, is not that much of a stretch. You're all a bunch of nutsos. I don't know how I will ever reply to all of the comments, and yet I LOVE THEM.

2. Big Bang. Everyone else's. There are so many fics that have already been posted by writers who I totally fangirl and am DYING to read. But, aside from balefully's (and also winterweathered's, which is a Big Bang fic in my head), I haven't really had the time, and I am WORRIED because I think that maybe all of these writers who I LOVE are wondering why I haven't commented (as if they CARE, pshaw) and I just haven't READ THEM. I promise! Also, both of those two - Lucy's and Cam's - FUCKING GO READ THEM NOW. And man, it's only part-way through JUNE. There are so many fics yet to be published and I am STRESSED about having time to read them! In what universe is not having enough time to read gay porn a normal to feel stressed?

3. Nick Jonas on CNN. Here I am, empathetically watching reports on the craziness in Iran, and BAM! There's Nick J, saying, "It does at times feel like my body's telling me to do one thing and my mind and heart is telling me to do something else." Just. Nick. Don't fight what you're feeling in your heart testicles. MAKE OUT WITH YOUR BROTHER, OKAY? Just a little. On camera.

4. Cancer. I don't want to bum anyone out, but it is ruining my life in a different kind of way than the Jonas Brothers. Let's just leave it at that.

5. Nyquil. Because every time I try to get worked up about something else, the Nyquil sets in and I just feel all comfy and drowsy, like Nick Jonas after Kim Kardashian roofied him and took his cherry. Turns out there are upsides to having a cold that just won't go away.

In other news, HI ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO JUST FRIENDED ME! I won't be offended if you defriend me right away! But if you stick around, you can expect more posts about the Jonas Brothers, Jared/Jensen, iPhones and my retarded fixation with undercooked chicken. How's THAT for temptation?

Title: Lost and Found
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Self-esteem and weight-related issues.
Word Count: 47,000
Disclaimer: None of this is true.

Summary: Jensen Ackles is a shy, overweight songwriter whose body issues have prevented him from forming any real personal connections, and at thirty, he’s still unsure of his sexuality, and still a virgin. But when he signs up for an experimental obesity research program, he meets Jared Padalecki, a stunningly sexy fitness guru who slowly but surely changes Jensen’s life.

A/N: Written for spn_j2_bigbang. Gorgeous, original art by the very talented sarahtoga. Thank you to wendy, audrarose, and thehighwaywoman for hosting this amazing challenge and dealing with all of the crazy admin. Beta by my darling shmoo balefully, without whom this story would never have seen the light of day.

A/N 2: While I didn't write this story with the intent to make people re-evaluate their own bodies or fitness levels, if you're interested in more information about health and obesity, the National Institutes of Health has a few helpful websites that are easy to read and are sanctioned by the U.S. Government: Active at any size and Better health and wellness for everyone. Thanks to deadlychameleon for the links!


One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Art

( Lost and Found, Part One )

Sent in my draft for spn_j2_bigbang last night!  Got my confirmation this morning!  SO FUCKING PSYCHED.

I kind of had to bolt on my ending - I need to go back in and add a few scenes between the middle and the end, but in general, I feel really good about it!  (Although, I think this is probably because nobody but me has read the whole thing yet - once my beta gets to it, it'll be ripped to shreds.)

Anyhoo, it clocked in at 31k, and as mentioned, I probably need to add a few more scenes, so it might come in around 40k pre-beta.  I'm sure it'll get cut down during the editing process, so I'm guessing the final version will be around 35k, making it easily the longest fic I've ever written by 3X.

HFS you guys. 

Now I'll just worry about whether or not an artist claims my prompt.  AIEEEEEEE.

Star light, star bright.  First star I see tonight.  Wish I may, wish I might.

I WANT A BIRDCAGE J2 AU.

Jensen as the aging diva drag performer.  Jared as the patient husband and cultural attache to Greece.  Maybe Colin Ford as their son, who wants to marry... (gasp) a girl!  And Mayhem as the houseboy who dances around the kitchen in cutoff jean shorts to Glora Estefan. 

OR THE OTHER WAY AROUND!  Jensen as the older patient one, Jared as Starina, Danneel as the baby mama.  Jared all jealous over Danneel's re-emergence in their life.  And Tom Welling as Agador!  "I do not wear shoes.  They make me fall down."

OR OR OR Jared as the SON of two flamboyantly gay men, Jensen as the son of religious conservative homophobes (ding ding ding!  Jensen-cliche number 302!) and their plight to be married.  And Alan Ackles can wax poetic about the changing colors of the leaves on the eastern seaboard.

OH THE POSSIBILITIES!

YouTube!  *claps hands*   Bring me a farting panda Birdcage J2 AU!

PEOPLE.  I am writing that damned J2 Biggest Loser AU.  It has overtaken my brain, and mainly because of little cutie MIKE on TBL.  And when I say 'little', I mean, um, well over 300lbs.  But he's still a cutie!  Barely legal, but legal nonetheless!  And he looks like JENSEN.   Like a teenaged virgin chub!Jensen. 

AND I HAVE A SERIOUS CRUSH ON HIM.  Especially when he cries! 

P.S. I don't think that's a spoiler, b/c everyone on TBL cries all the time.  But my little schmoo cries tears of sweet deliciousness!  I want to take him jogging and feed him carrot sticks.

Title: If You’re Into It
Pairing:  Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 6,750
Summary: Jensen’s a delicate flower/soggy kitten and Jared’s good with his hands (and his cock) and saves the day. First-time. Kinda sorta h/c, if you squint. Mostly just porn. 
Disclaimer: This definitely did not happen.
A/N: For balefully .  Although it has nothing to do with it, really, I kind of imagine this story following Mother Knows Best, sometime several months forward. The boys have kissed, and moved in together, but haven’t really explored their relationship much.


( Jensen smiles at him, feeling suddenly giddy with the realization that this is it, love, and he’s got everything he never dreamed of.  )

I want an AU where Jared is Bob the trainer, and Jensen is, like, 350 lbs, but Jared just KNOWS there is a hottie deep down inside and he works with Jensen and slowly falls in love with him and there are self esteem issues and cherries being popped and happily ever afters.

WHAT.

ETA: 
( I promise you this. )

Title: Win-Win Situation
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: none
Word Count: 11,700
Summary: The (plot device) made us do it! The boys have to make out on camera.
Disclaimer: Total fiction.
Beta: The fantastic balefully, without whom I would still be very confused about the difference between a wad, a drip and a blob.
A/N: Written for the sweet tinkabell007 for spn_j2_xmas who said she liked (among other delicious things) first-time, non-AU, top!Jared, banter, sex somewhere other than a bed, and the prompt: J2 making silly bets on set and the loser always has to do something embarrassing, the combination of which kind of works here.


( Win-Win Situation )

In the past twenty-four hours I have seriously hit the jackpot.  Two awesome writers have taken some relatively lame and outdated plotbunnies that I had posted a long time ago and written fabulously awesome J2 fics!

Behind the Curtain by renjifan is an AU with Jared as a fledgling actor in NYC who takes a job as a phonesex!worker to help pay for his classes - including the one taught by his unbelievably hot acting coach Jensen Ackles.  It's a long fic, but one of those that you wish would continue for ten more years because it is so made of awesome.   The phone sex conversations are so unbelieveably hot, and the sexual tension between Jared and Jensen is captivating as it develops.

Arguing with the Internet is like... by chash is hilarious, sexy, and sweet, with a touch of angst.  Essentially, the perfect non-AU fic.  Jensen is puzzled as to why the Internet thinks he's gay for Jared, and not the other way around, especially since it's always Jared who's touching him all the time.  His path to self-discovery is littered with awesome moments: hand-holding and some particularly awesome versions of other RP - most notably Tom Welling and Steve Carlson.

I LOVE BOTH OF THESE FICS SO MUCH.  Makes me think I should not write my own fics anymore, and just pimp out plotbunnies to other, better writers!   GO READ THESE NOW!

Title: IDK, my BFF Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Warnings: I’m still kind of new at this. No beta.
Word Count: 2,700ish
Summary: We know the boys like to text and call each other. What we don’t know is what they say to each other. Here’s one theory.
Disclaimer: This definitely did not happen.

( Jared texts him back with no I was jerking off and hits send. Thinks it over, takes a big gulp of his beer and types thinking of u. is that gay? and presses send again. )

Title:  Mother Knows Best
Pairing:  Jared/Jensen
Rating:  R for language
Warnings: Schmoop.
Word Count:  3,400
Summary:  Nobody knows a boy like his mother.  And Chad.
Disclaimer:  Total fiction.  And only my second ever J2 fic.

 

 

It's kind of ridiculous how many plot bunnies have attacked me this year, and I've written NONE of these fics.  So I figured I'd just post them all here, and at least keep track of them.  Maybe one day I'll write them up - or in the meantime, maybe someone else will!


I'll add to this list as I think of more.  I've also got a few non-AU bunnies scampering around - perhaps I'll post those later on.

That Jared lost a bet to someone.  And the consequences were that he had to respond to the always asked question of "what's next for Sam and Dean?" by somehow using the phrase "fucking butt" in a televised interview.

Because really, otherwise, WHY WOULD HE SAY THAT?


(If you just want to hear that part, fast forward all the way to 9:33.)

He says, "I think we're just going to keep on rocking ass.  Fucking butt.   I probably shouldn't say rocking ass."

Unless, of course, Sam and Dean are indeed FUCKING EACH OTHER IN THE BUTT.

Oh Jared.  You are the best entertainment around.  You don't even need a show.

A few weeks ago, keepaofthecheez had posted this picture of Jared and Sandy at the Lakers game, taken the weekend of Jensen's 30th birthday.